Milk Candy Review

When people ask what magic power you’d choose, you never want to fly, or be invisible. You want what you’ve always wanted, the power to make all lost things come back to you. You’d walk into the room of lost things, open your eyes, and there they’d be: the pet turtle you let loose in green grass all those years ago, the story your best friend tore up when she was mad at you, your mother’s Pucci dress, the one you loved as a child, its wild pattern like a monstera plant, moss-green leaves, pale celery background. Mommy, wear your dipsy-doodle dress! You were sure that dress had hung untouched in her closet for 35 years, zipped in its garment bag, but when you asked your stepfather, not two days after the funeral, he shrugged and said he’d sent all that stuff to Goodwill.

 You picture your mother’s eyebrow lifting. Just the one. The vintage designer dresses she collected, on wire hangers at some thrift store. But toward the end of her life she only ever wore sweatsuits, all her bright plumage faded. Maybe that dress meant nothing to her but a time she didn’t want to remember, a shadowy time almost lost to you except in gulps of vivid color, your mother chopping limes by the swimming pool; a bright yellow Big Bird toy you dragged with you everywhere that left bits of yarny fuzz in your hair; the man in a blue velvet shirt who came over and played the piano but never talked to anyone. There were stairs down to the living room, a red carpet. Look, I’m on the red carpet, your mother would say. There was a balcony on the second floor, and if you looked down all you saw was trees for miles, a dizzy-making canyon a person could disappear into, and people did. That was what you remembered most about that time: the sense of danger, of adult conversations that stopped when you walked into the room. The murders, people whispered. The trial. A nameless threat that might still be out there, in the hills. Faces would turn to you, guilty smiles, a sudden interest in coffee cups. You breathed it all in, the way Victorian children were said to breathe in arsenic from poison-green wallpaper. And then it wasn’t there: the house wasn’t there, the piano, the man in the blue velvet shirt. Your mother’s green dress, zipped away in a black bag, gone forever. In that room of lost things you’ll find it. Your mother will be there, wearing the dress, head thrown back in a model pose, long legs in knee-high boots. And sitting in the corner, by the piano, maybe a little shy, will be a man who looks just like his picture, the one picture of him your mother kept. A little slowly, a little haltingly, your mother will lead you to him. And then, for the first time, your father will take your hand.

***

Kathryn Kulpa is a New England-based writer with stories in Best Microfiction, Fictive Dream, Flash Frontier, Ghost Parachute, and other journals. Her books include Cooking Tips for the Demon-Haunted (New Rivers Press), For Every Tower, a Princess (a micro-chapbook, forthcoming from Porkbelly Press), and the flash collection A Map of Lost Places (forthcoming from Gold Line Press).

In the cemetery Bobby counts dandelions drifting away from his mother’s site. He’s autistic and thirty and the count is up to hundreds. He never loses track, never counts the same one twice. He picks just one, which is special to throw in on top of her casket. His eyes shine the same yellow because everything he concentrates on becomes a part of him.

Rocking on his heels he counts the words of the pastor, too many to fit in the section of his brain where they could make sense, all forty-seven of them. Tumbled over each other.

Scobbity bobbity.

Bobby takes a shovel and tosses some dirt in. One is too little. Two is too even. Three is too odd. He hates four. Five is soothing, is getting somewhere. He’d fill in the whole grave if not stopped, and then pack it down four hundred times with his shiny shoes. But his father gently takes his arm. Bobby smiles in a sly way, tosses the shovel back to the dirt pile.

At the open casket he had rearranged her face in his mind. They didn’t get the nose right. You could tell it was smashed under the putty. And her cheeks were puffed out with stuffing. Her chin like a ledge, where it had been soft and tucked with humility. Her lips had been small and straight and pale, but here they had pumped them up like a clown. Bobby started to spin there at the wake, so hard he made a wind that moved his mother’s hair across her forehead and over her purple eyelids where it always used to be.

In his mind he held a photograph of the her he wanted. Even the large photo of her on the easel was not right. Her smile was even when really it always contained a frown on one side, and a biting of the lip. No, it was not right. He had slumped in the corner, rocking with his eyes closed, seeing her get into her new fast car and wave to him. He saw the tree come up, the wet leaves, the defective air bag. She was just going to get away from him and his father for a few days.Even if she did come back it was the leaving that carried as punishment to Bobby. As he rocked tears rolled down his cheeks.

In the church basement he ate two of everything, lining them up on an opened napkin. Between each bite, chewing thirty-two times, he took five swallows of root beer. Continued the cycle, unsmiling at the aunts and uncles who tried to talk to him. Cousin Charley, a fifteen year old, led Bobby outside behind some bushes and lit him a joint. Bobby drew exaggerated breaths and almost turned blue holding them. Charley had to hold him up.

Bobby felt himself float, over to his mother’s grave, where they were done. He laughed. He removed his shoes and socks and tamped the dirt with his bare feet. He knew she would feel and appreciate that. Forty-four times, a thumping above her still but alive soul. He then scattered the hundred dandelions over her.

The sky was huge and it welcomed him to fly up. He laughed some more. He walked and counted stones until some dark line in his head stopped him from adding more. The line was heavy and pressed him down to the grass. He couldn’t breathe. He saw his mother smashed into the dash and the wheel, some final pictures of him in her head. He saw her at twenty holding him in her thin arms. Even then he had counted her heartbeats. It began then. Her breath was slow and even and he was in awe of this rhythm.

On the hill he dropped and began to roll. That open sky was gray and flicked over him as he picked up speed. The universe was expanding and he waited for the end where there would be nothing left to count, what a time to rest.

At the bottom he was stopped by the small black stones.  He traced numbers with a finger. 10 months, 2 days. 2 years, 4 months. 1900, 1910. Little Albert. June Marie. He lay on his back and watched as that sky dropped and from the gray shape his mother came and folded him in her arms so he felt safe to sleep, free from the life which demanded he account for every little thing.

***

Gary Moshimer has stories in Frigg, Smokelong Quarterly, Flash Frog, Eclectica, Necessary Fiction, and many other places.

Do you remember Jennifer who used to drink lattes at the Socialist Worker Coffee Shop, to compensate for the calcium deficiency caused by the formula her mother fed her throughout primary school? Did her mother wince when Jennifer accidentally poured milk in her tea? ‘We’ll have no milk in this house,’ her mother always said.

Did Jennifer lack personality as well as calcium, which wasn’t as easy to replace? Did her ex, Simon, a psychiatric nurse, believe he could fix her, even with the open compass on her nightstand, its wide legs stabbing outwards like a dancer’s? Did the compass protect her from groaning wraiths that poured through the walls at night? Did she quit wearing jogging bottoms and muddy trainers, and instead spend hours twisting her hair into ribbons?

Did her sister make noises when she was inside the fridge? Who had found the abandoned fridge first? Had it been Jennifer’s or her sister’s idea to hide? Had she dragged the armchair by herself and managed to heap it on top? Had she gone away to swim and not heard the kicking and soft moans? Had she opened the door afterwards by herself? 

Had Simon and all the therapists told her that it wasn’t her fault? That she was too young to be left alone for days on her own taking care of her sister. And was that why there was never any milk?

***

Katie Coleman is a British writer living in Thailand. Her work has appeared in Roi Faineant Press, Ghost Parachute, The Sunlight Press, SoFloPoJo, Bending Genres, The Odd Magazine, Ilanot Review and more. She has received nominations for Best of the Net and Pushcart prizes and can be found on Twitter @anjuna2000 and Instagram @kurkidee

The Second Lead is Fate’s favorite.

He knows this should make him the hero if he were living in another story, but for this genre, that only means being bound in an inextricable fortune of misery: cruel family, mountains of debt, whatever’s most thematically suitable. He comforts himself with the thought that being hated by Fate in this much meticulous detail must be some kind of special favor, compared to the promiscuous happily-ever-afters flung haphazardly at the lucky First Lead. The First Lead doesn’t even realize how lucky he is. The Second Lead is certain, at least, about the superiority of his character arc.

•

The Second Lead is the audience’s favorite.

The camera caresses him, and he twists his beautiful face into an expression of distress carefully hidden from everyone else. Nobody watches except for the viewers’ voyeur eyes. To them, he will play up, lay all his cards on the table. It might be a losing game, but that doesn’t mean he can’t go out in style. He shouts at his father and spends the night out in the cold, gets into fights, so that blood can be artistically smeared across his cheekbones and in the plush corner of his mouth. The Second Lead is certain, at least, about the superiority of his bone structure.

•

The Second Lead is having a bad day.

It’s the same as every other bad day, arranged so that he comes close, so close, to his cure, but the solution to this equation is an impossible one. He can’t bury his sorrows in someone else as a false answer, because fate and this story demand that he remain true. He cannot create any opportunity that might alter the course of his destiny. He is cursed to meet her, the reason for his existence, in every other scene; but she turns away behind a curtain of hair and disappears into the arms of the First Lead. Caught in their own ephemeral bad days as the music swells and the cameras swoop around to catch their kiss in many frenetic angles, neither of them notices him lurking under the trees. The Second Lead, wearing an expression of more sincere distress than usual, goes home and stares at his reflection in the lens to make sure he’s there, that he hasn’t disappeared yet. He is certain, at least, that he’ll last until the final credits roll.

•

The Second Lead is allowed one wild card confession.

He hoards it, biding his time, spinning out the spool of friendship as long as it lasts, until the perfect moment. Of course, his timing won’t matter, perfect or not. Whatever he might say or feel or pretend will come too late to change her mind. This doesn’t keep the Second Lead from hoping that, this time, perhaps he will get it right. Perhaps he will get her on a day when she’s just a little extra pissed at the First Lead for what he has or hasn’t said; perhaps he will arrive at the hagwon just a few minutes earlier with an umbrella to catch her as she leaves; perhaps they will sit talking about nothing on the swing set like they have so many times before—but, this time, their laughter will fill the night sky overhead, so that there is no room for the audience, for the First Lead, for the story to snatch them apart.

Perhaps, once, he will be able to make her choose him. He hopes, nothing certain, but if he gives up hope, he has no function left.

•

The Second Lead ponders his future.

After the last scene he’s grateful to get a few lines in, he catches up on sleep. Takes a vacation and allows himself to smile at another pretty girl that, blissfully, he will never see again. Does passably well at work or school and stays out of trouble. It’s a quiet life, revived from time to time by discussion threads, fanfictions, demands for a spin-off. He’s gone through it so many times before.

After all, a happy ending is not the true ending. Neither is an unhappy one. So long as he is remembered, he may persist.

***

Cressida Blake Roe is a biracial writer of speculative and literary fiction, with work appearing or forthcoming in The Baltimore Review, Chestnut Review, Lightspeed, Tupelo Quarterly, XRAY, and elsewhere. Recent stories have been nominated for the Best Small Fictions and the Wigleaf Top 50 Longlist. www.cblakeroe.wordpress.com

Mr. Sutton invited boys to his ranch for what he called throw-downs. We were in junior high, nervous, loud, and desperate to please. My first time, I wore the slacks my mother had pressed and a button-down shirt with a stiff collar. I stood out in the pasture, hot dogs and burgers sizzling on the grill, and watched the other boys smoke cigarettes and sip the beer Mr. Sutton provided. I waited. Each time, I waited and waited and waited.

His rec room boasted an endless array of photos taken when he was on the college swim team twenty years ago. Image after image of long, lean young men with shaven bodies and toothy smiles. Not every boy was invited to this room. You had to be special. Perhaps that’s not the right word. While we mingled in the pasture like old women after a sermon, we wondered what Mr. Sutton called us when we weren’t there. When the last paper plate had been trashed, when his dog Apple barked after the last departing Suburban.

He knew magic. We realized these were cheap tricks, the sort of feats any moron could learn from the back of a magazine or a kit ordered over the phone. But when Mr. Sutton fanned a deck of cards before me and asked in his soothing, FM-dial voice to pick one, I did. I held the card facedown against my chest as he shuffled and scattered the other cards, promising me in his dulcet tone that he would guess the card I held. I bet it’s the queen of spades, he said. You look like you could handle a real woman. Come here, show me your hand.

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Thomas Kearnes’ career in indie fiction started almost 20 years ago. His recent appearances include BULL: Men’s Fiction, Tiny Molecules, Bodega, Ghoulish Books’ “Bury Your Gays” anthology, Coastal Shelf, jmww journal and elsewhere. He is currently seeking a publisher for his third story collection, “What Happens Here Does Not Happen to Me.” He is currently working on a series of shorts and novelettes about his recent ex-lover and how finally experiencing a relationship end by choice (his other two long-term affairs ended in death) afforded him an emotional awakening that he will celebrate by getting the fuck out of Texas.