Before Turning the Gun on Himself ~ by Angela James

It’s the day after what happened next door and Mom’s sobbing on the phone, speaking  gibberish about omens and the five roses she cut from the garden before it all happened.
It’s two days after and Dad’s in the driveway talking to a guy from up the street, saying it sounded like a blast of firecrackers or maybe a car backfiring.
It’s two weeks after and my parents fret I’ll get nightmares as I read every article I can find and recite every detail. How the neighbour drank Cutty Sark-and-sodas all that day at the Carousel Gentleman’s Lounge before coming home. How it would have taken six minutes or so for the wife to die of strangulation by her own bedsheets, newly purchased, the ripped bag and paper receipt left sitting on the counter. How the three boys’ pillows were still damp from their post-bath curls when the police discovered their bodies. How the officers stepped around scarlet puddles, tarry Hot Wheels and Lego pieces stuck to the floor.  How the daughter, who had been watching Love Boat in the living room, survived by running to her grandmother’s house as her father fired shots at her from the porch.
It’s one month after. I hear the adults saying out loud over beer, wine spritzers and barbecued hotdogs how they felt for the neighbour being driven to such rage, as everyone knew that wife of his was a runaround.
It’s one year after. The images I have of the family default to the photos that ran on the news. Like the one of the wife hoisting her five-year AA medallion. Or of the youngest boys grinning in an inflatable swimming pool.
It’s nearly six years after. I’m fifteen years old and my first boyfriend tells me he knew that poor doomed family through judo. His own father snapped one of the photos that was used in the news, the one with the oldest boy beaming in his stiff white Gi and yellow belt.
It’s six and a bit years after. My mother is pressuring me to cancel plans with my friends out of “courtesy” to my boyfriend. She tells me, “It’s a terrible thing to make a man jealous.”
It’s six and a half years after and I am trimming the stems from gas station roses after accepting my boyfriend’s apology for hitting me “in the heat of the moment.”
It’s nearly seven years after and I am writing a math exam, struggling to keep my eyes open after being kept on the phone all night by my boyfriend begging me not to dump him and threatening to kill himself.
It’s a little over seven years after and my parents are saying I’m being unreasonable. They don’t know how I can be so mean as to refuse to let my ex-boyfriend come in out of the storm. Through the front window, I watch him chuck another one of his apology bouquets into the gutter and stomp back to his car. The house shakes with a crack of thunder that’s loud as a firecracker, loud as an engine backfiring and louder than a girl’s bare feet slapping against asphalt as she clutches the hem of her white nightgown to her thighs and runs like hell.

***

Angela James resides in a smallish Canadian community with her spouse and many, many pets. Her words have been published by many lovely people, including those at Claudine, Flash Fiction Online and Pithead Chapel.

Two Questions for Michael Degnan

We recently published Michael Degnan’s beautiful “Paper Airplane.”

Here, we ask him two questions about his story:

1) Even when Mikey does come down from the roof, do you think he will tell his parents (more particularly, his mother) why he went up there? Or is that something he will keep to himself?
Maybe it’s just that I was once a teenage boy, but I doubt that Mikey will tell his parents why he was on the roof. After staying there for at least several days, it will be too much for him to be able to explain, certainly to his mom, and possibly even to himself. I wouldn’t be surprised though, if later in life, after Mikey becomes a father, he tries to give his mom an answer. Maybe he’ll give her a call the day after his oldest daughter runs away. Or maybe he’ll give her a copy of The Baron in the Trees for her 75th birthday and write about his reasons in blue ink on the title page, careful to not make any mistakes.

2) At its heart, this is a story about not understanding your child, as much as you might want to. Do you think the narrator will be able to accept that there are parts of her child that will always remain hidden from her?
I worry that she won’t be able to accept not understanding her son, at least not anytime soon. At the moment, I suspect that she still sees her teenage son as he was only a few years before, still as a boy, happy to tell her whatever was on his mind while eating frozen waffles at the dining room table. It may not be until her son is living on his own that she can fully accept that he has his own life, that he is not just a part of hers, that there are many things about him that she’ll never know. Maybe by the time he is ready to tell her why he went to the roof, she’ll no longer need to know.

Paper Airplane ~ by Michael Degnan

When the first half ends and I’m done with the popcorn, I put the glass bowl on the side table and ask my husband why Mikey is living on the roof. He shrugs and leans back further on the couch.

“He’s been up there for days,” I say. My husband grunts, and then laughs at a commercial, one of the “are you becoming your parents” ones.

I type “Why do kids live on roofs?” into my phone. All I get back are articles about the dangers that migrant youth face working on roofs on construction sites.

In our dining room, I write a list:

  • He’s bored
  • He wants to be independent
  • He read The Baron in the Trees
  • I yell too much
  • He wants to look at the stars
  • He started smoking
  • He doesn’t love me
  • He’s preparing for the floods
  • He knows something I don’t

I fold the sheet into a paper airplane and write, “Is it any of these?” on the side. I go to the porch and throw the airplane. It glides above the gutters, twists and falls out of sight, onto the roof.

I go back inside and clean the kitchen. I wash the popcorn bowl several times, much longer than necessary. It’s so clean by the end that it’s almost sticky. I pick it up with my palms to not get fingerprints on it and put it on the counter.

I walk back upstairs to check on the game. Halftime is probably over, and someone is going to win.

***

Michael Degnan lives on an island in Maine. His work has appeared in Bending Genres, Emerge Literary Journal, Maudlin House, and elsewhere.

Two Questions for Kathleen Latham

We recently published Kathleem Latham’s lovely “Prom.”

Here, we ask her two questions about her story:

1) I like how our narrator empathizes with the girls here, seeing how his friends “other” them like “essay topics” or “seats in a theater.” Do you think he is able to connect with the girls so well because he too feels like he would be something “other” to his friends? 
Absolutely. I think there’s a certain level of kinship among people who are judged or categorized on the basis of an arbitrary quality. There’s a shared understanding of what it feels like to be seen through a filter of stereotypes and assumptions. This sense of being othered can be especially difficult to navigate through adolescence. You’re trying to figure out who you are at a time when belonging and conformity are tantamount. Most kids feel like they’re one misstep away from being kicked out of the tribe. Add questions of identity to the mix, and this can become exponentially more terrifying. I think this is where our narrator finds himself.
When I first wrote this story, I made it much clearer that he was questioning his sexual orientation. The more I whittled it down, though, I realized that what he’s questioning is less important than his fear of what authenticity could cost him. Prom felt like a perfect catalyst. For some people, it’s fun and exciting. For others, all that fake joy underscores how different they feel. Even if our narrator hasn’t been labeled as “other” yet, prom is exposing that disconnect.

2) The narrator says that maybe he’ll keep pretending for his whole life, seeing himself as “only a question mark.” Will he ever be able to stop pretending, do you think? Or will he remain trapped in pretense?
Oh gosh, this question hurts my heart. I’d like to believe humanity is inching toward a world where everyone is free to be their authentic selves. But I’m keenly aware that far too many people still hide fundamental parts of who they are for fear of being judged, ostracized, or even physically harmed.
That said, since I get to control the narrative in this particular case—yes, I believe he’ll free himself from pretense. Because he’s already questioning it, isn’t he? He’s already realizing that there’s something painful and demeaning in trying to conform to other people’s ideas of who you should be. Even as he says, “Because it’s only a dance, right?” that “right” tells us that he’s not only questioning who he is and who he’s attracted to, but he’s also questioning the cost of compromising. Of trading authenticity for belonging. Somewhere in his heart, he’s beginning to recognize that those little surrenders add up.
I hope he finds the people who love him for his true self. I hope everyone who sees themselves in that question mark does too.

Prom ~ by Kathleen Latham

All the boys say it’s dumb. We roll our eyes when the girls talk about the Insta account they’ve set up so no one gets the same dress. We smirk at the way they shy away like nervous ponies when we pass them in the hall—as if they expect us to break into song or whip flowers out of our ass—but really, we’re just as bad. Each of us trying to outdo each other. Jackson plastering Sofie’s locker with a hundred Post-It Notes. Zach cruising through the parking lot towing a bunch of balloons. After school today, Mikey played his guitar on Hallie’s front porch while a group of us held signs that spelled P-R-O-M-? I was the question mark. You wait too long, all the good ones will be taken, Mikey says. As if they’re essay topics. Or seats in a theater. As if we all want the same thing. So, yeah, I’ll pick some girl and come up with a plan like the rest of the guys, and everyone will pat me on the back and say it’s about time, and then we’ll move on to the limo plan and the after-party plan and the what color cummerbund plan and I’ll keep pretending. Maybe my whole life. Because it’s only a dance, right? And I’m only a question mark.

***

Kathleen Latham is a poet and short fiction writer living outside Boston. Her work appears most recently in The Cincinnati Review and electric pink and has received awards from Writer’s Digest, the Bridport Prize, and Bath Flash Fiction. You can find her at kathleenlatham.com or on Instagram @lathamwithapen.

Two Questions for Brittany Redd

We recently published Brittany Redd’s haunting “Basement.”

Here, we ask her two questions about her story:

1) I love the speculation as to why the basement was closed off — but what I really wonder is where is this basement? What kind of building hosts it?
This story was inspired by my old middle school. I started middle school in the historic old building, but finished it in a new building that had substantially less character and looked more like a hospital than a school. The old building was more or less just left vacant to rot. One of the features of the old building I never got to enjoy was a pool that was supposedly in the basement. There were all kinds of rumors going around about why we were changing buildings and why we couldn’t use the pool. Most of them involved drownings and hauntings, which I could never corroborate with any news articles when I looked it up later.

2) Of course there’s one true answer to all the questions, one true reason why the basement was closed off. Or is there, really?
I think there is an answer, but the beauty of this story is that whoever knows the truth never bothered to share.  The mystery created a need to mythologize in the absence of answers and the speculation is almost certainly more interesting than the truth.  

Why they closed off the basement ~ by Brittany Redd

Because it was too expensive to clear out the mold.  Because some rich kid got hurt in the pool down there and the parents threatened to sue.  Because they kept catching kids trying to smoke down there.  Because they found a body down there and needed to cover it up.  Because even after they’d cleared it out, people could still hear voices, screaming.  Because the lights were always flickering.  Because they thought they could get more government money out of a new building.  Because they worried about terrorists sneaking in through the Red Scare tunnels.  Because they got a lot of money to hide some MKUltra shit down there.  Because the last place they ever saw those moms that went missing a few years ago was close to that building.  Because the kids who snuck down there last summer never were the same when they came out, glossy-eyed and vacant.  Because people kept having the same dream about it every time there was a full moon.  Because the HOA thought there might be homeless people living down there.  Because of geocaching and Pokémon GO.  Because they built a containment lab.  Because they found too many skeletons, too many ghosts. 

***

Brittany Redd is a teacher and writer in Thailand. Her work appears in Funicular Magazine, Pithead Chapel, Heavy Feather Review, and elsewhere.

Two Questions for David Galef

We recently published David Galef’s striking “Noise.”

Here, we ask him two questions about his story:

1) I love the voice here — the character feels so absolutely real and wholly formed! How did you capture the personality of a narrator at this age?
As Flannery O’Connor once observed, “Anyone who survived childhood has enough material to write for the rest of his life.” We’ve all been through this period of existence. That said, like a good actor, a writer should be able to inhabit the consciousnesses of other people, at least for the duration of a narrative. Ever heard my impression of a Gen Z imitating a boomer trying to be Gen Z?

2) And I swear, I went to school with these same kids, even Zelda Zebra! Where did these characters come from?
“Noise” isn’t really autobiographical, but at school I knew some of these kids personally, I knew of others, and a couple I made up. Some of them are probably still there in one form or another. Bear in mind that I’m also a teacher, albeit at the college level. The people in my classroom are adults and should be treated as such, yet at times–.

Noise ~ by David Galef

Listen, it’s not as if I caused the accident, just that I was standing right there at the Maple Avenue intersection when a giant lady started screeching and clapping her metal hands, that’s how it came across, because some people have a strong visual sense but I have that with hearing and always want to describe the sound, so when Dad pffts gas at breakfast, after he leaves for the store, Mom says, “No need to comment,” and when I protest, she shakes her head, wheezing like playing a flute, “I can always hear the words you’re not pronouncing, Samantha…phweee…the noise in that head of yours when you’re…euhhh…not talking,” so I shouted, “Excuse me for breathing!” which isn’t fair, since her asthma’s no joke, but she treats me like I was seven, though I’m almost fourteen and can do ten chin-ups at the school gym, where Big Bad Larry oinks as he works on his pecs in front of his stupid lover-girl Whatsername, who says “Wowww” with three syllables, both of them hateful the way the whole school is, from annoying Arnold with the same sexist jokes every day, menacing Martin who mutters threats as he waves a box cutter, that girl Esperanza who thinks no one can understand her Spanish insults, the Denton twins who’re always imitating me, to Zelda Zebra, which isn’t really her name except that’s not the point, which is that I walk home instead of taking the bus, because I might be dead now if I did, with at least a dozen kids left in the seats by the time the semi smashed into it, some of them smacked half-out the open windows, but it didn’t stop there because the bus rolled over on its side, groaning like a rusty gate, and then this cotton silence, no kids moving at all, and for one stupid moment, I announced  that I was happy about this, until the cops and the ambulance came, and one of the EMS guys threw up blehh, at which point I started running nowhere, anywhere to escape the noise in my head, yet by the time I got home two hours later, word must have gotten out about the accident, because Mom rushed over to hug me, but then she looked at my face and the words I couldn’t say, and do you know what she told me?

***

David Galef has published over a dozen books, including My Date with Neanderthal Woman (Dzanc Short Story Collection Prize), How to Cope with Suburban Stress (Kirkus Best Books), and Brevity: A Flash Fiction Handbook. Forthcoming this fall: the short story collection Tradeoffs. He runs the creative writing program at Montclair State University and is the editor in chief at Vestal Review.

Two Questions for Kelly McElroy

We recently published Kelly McElroy’s heartrending “The Dive.”

Here, we ask her two questions about her story:

1) I love the details here, the specificity. How much the narrators remember of this night! All except that one thing. That one devastating thing. Do you think any of them might remember more than they are revealing? Or was this one thing truly missed amongst the rest of the night?
I think it’s certainly possible that one or more of the girls remembers more than the collective narration claims. I was really interested in playing with the idea of blame here, and how the narrators try to shift it off of themselves, emphasizing the action they took once they realized what was wrong as opposed to the mistakes they made along the way. I think there is also safety in numbers; for one of the girls to admit that she realized something was wrong sooner would be to step out of the collective and invite greater scrutiny. Better to stick with the rest of the group’s story.

2) But, oh, the details! Those secret looks! The shyness, the fear of revealing yourself to the others. Do you think this, perhaps, is what kept them from noticing?
Yes! The girls are so caught up in how they appear to each other. They are self-conscious about feeling self-conscious, all wanting to seem confident and cool in their bodies. The irony, of course, is that they’re so busy thinking of themselves that they end up not seeing each other, and this self-obsession is what keeps them from noticing the most vital detail of the night.