Evan Dando is haunting me, which makes this not only a ghost story, but also science fiction, for it’s a story about time travel, but only for ghosts, because he’s not dead yet, but someday he will be. Evan Dando is chasing me and he falls into my arms in a ghostly, terrifying, tender way, that’s where it’s safe, he sings, that’s where it’s warm, he sings and sings and he never gets me actually, he falls right through my arms and into the void, because that’s what ghosts do, they go through things, through matter, through flesh, they travel back and forth, in time and space. The ghost of Evan Dando is haunting me and I feel scared, but I feel flattered too, which makes this not only a ghost story, but also an eerie romance, like Wuthering Heights, a toxic love story people find romantic, about love lost and never found, about love doomed to die, only to come back stronger. He brings back my past, back when he stood by me, when I was taught how to adult, how to make the world tick, and now we’re both full-blown adults, with teeth problems and white hair, and we’re sick and tired of making the world tick, of making this world tick, tick-tock, tick-tock, closer and closer to the final boom, closer than ever to that last explosion. He brings me back to when I missed home, a safe place, or someone to whom I’d say, take me out of here, when things got rough, and they would, and they’d take over.

Evan Dando is haunting me and opens his ghostly heart to me and tells me I haunt him too, he’s haunted by many people, like I’m haunted by everything I ever loved and loved me, which makes this more than a ghost story, it’s also a philosophical story about the urge to immortalize everything that we love, the human urge to love, be loved, be seen, remembered and somehow stay here forever. His words are waves that travel forever, not fading out, they’re always loud, no friction can erase them, no law of physics can touch them, and I still hear them, they speak to me, like when I was young and the world made sense or didn’t, but someday it would eventually. He frowns sometimes, like he’s disappointed, like he wasn’t only a rock star, but also the Catcher in the Rye, and he speaks to me in a ghostly, terrifying, tender way, he says he failed, he couldn’t save us, but still that’s all he wants to do, to be an angel, protecting souls from disillusionment, like the Catcher in the Rye but for older people too, not just for kids.

The Ghost of Evan Dando is haunting me, although he’s not a ghost yet, or maybe he has always been a spirit, a soul above all else, and I haunt him too, at least a part of me that died long ago, only to come back stronger, a part of me that has already turned into a ghost, or has always been a ghost, the spirit of youth, of a world that once made sense, or didn’t but someday it would eventually. They say you’ll meet the same person in different bodies for eternity, until you learn enough to break the pattern and I did, I found someone who would jump into my arms to get home, which makes this more than a ghost story, it’s also a love letter, but he’s a ghost and he falls right through my arms, into the void, for that’s what ghosts do, they go through things, through matter, through flesh, like bullets but slower, like bullets that don’t kill, like bullets we carry inside and keep us together.

***

Mileva Anastasiadou is a neurologist, from Athens, Greece and the author of “We Fade With Time” by Alien Buddha Press. A Pushcart, Best of the Net, Best Microfiction and Best Small Fictions nominated writer, her work can be found in many journals, such as Chestnut Review, New World Writing, trampset, Lost Balloon and others.